Trapped inside my mind
by Tellhound
Summary: Sam is living a normal safe life, but it's only in his head and he knows that. He don't know if he want to live a life that exists only in his head or if he want to wake up. AU. Pairing in the future Sam/OC. Takes place during my fanfic Comatose.
1. A boy and a girl

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**: **_This is my new story. I'm not going to write so much more on this note, but I wonder what AU is. I have heard of it so many times and read AU fictions, but I have never found out what it is. Can anyone tell me please? =)

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter one: A boy and a girl.**

It was a warm and sunny day in Lawrence, Kansas. The birds where singing and people where happy. Kids where playing with there friends and somewhere outside a little house you could see a boy and a girl sit under a tree talking to each other. The boy looked like he was pretty tall. He had short brown hair and his eyes where also brown. He was maybe 18 years and he looked happy. The girl looked shorter. Much shorter. She had also brown hair just as him. Her eyes were blue as the ocean and she had a smile that could bright up your day. She must have been as old as him. And the boys name was Sam Winchester. And the girl was Lily Ghost.

Sam looked happy at the girl and said: "I'm so happy for you." Lily looked at him too and said: "Yeah, I know you are. But…"

"What?"

"I don't know if I should."

"Lily, this is a chance you only get once in your life. You can't say no."

"I know. But what about you?"

"Hey. It will only be two months. And we can chat with each other, we can mail and we can talk through web-cam."

"You're right."

"I know. I always am."

"You wish." They hugged and Lily said: "I'm going to miss you. Can't you come with me?" Sam sighed and said: "You know I want to come. But I can't. Not now. Mom needs help in her store."

"Can't Dean help her?"

"He got to help dad until Jack and James is back." They stopped the hug and looked at each other. Lily said: "I don't want to be without you for so long." A tear slipped down her face. Sam wiped it away with his thumb and said: "It's only 8 weeks. You can do it. You don't need me. You're a big girl now."

"Yeah. I know. But it feels like it was only yesterday that we where 8 years old playing in the park."

"When you come back I promise you that we can do whatever you want to do. I will wait for you. I will count the days till we meet again." She smiled a little and said: "You promise?"

"I promise." They laid down with Lily's head on Sam's chest and his arm around her. They lay like that until the night came and it was time for Lily to leave.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ So that's the first chap. I hope you like it and want to read more. And just to make things clear. Sam and Lily are not a couple. The review button is your friend. The subscribe button is also your friend. =)


	2. A phone call can change everything

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ This is chapter 2 of my new story. Hope you enjoy it. =)

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter**** 2: A phone call can change everything.**

One month had gone since Lily left. Sam would help his mother with the store and sometimes he helped his brother and father at the workshop. Everyone could see that he wasn't himself when she wasn't there with him. He hardly smiled anymore and that light he used to have in his eyes was gone. How was he supposed to go another month without her?

Sam had been out on a walk for almost one hour before he came back in to his parents house. He walked straight up to his room and looked at his phone. No missed calls. She should have called for a half hour ago.

_It's always like this._

_I know you are busy in L.A. but you promised to call me everyday._

_Please come back. I need you. I want you. I lo…_

His phone rang and interrupted his thoughts. He looked at the caller id and shone up when he saw it was Lily. He answered with a happy: "Hi. Lily." Lily sounded happy when she said: _"Hi. Sam. How are you?"_

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"_I'm fine. I got to record my first song today."_

"That's wonderful. What song was it?"

"_Listen to the radio tonight at 10."_

"It's already on the radio?"

"_Yeah. And I got something more to tell you."_

"Okay. What is it?"

"_They think I can be a star. They want me to stay here for six month instead of just these two."_

"That's awesome. I'm happy for you." He didn't sound happy anymore. "Look. I got to go. I call you tomorrow. Bye."

"_Bye Sam. I lo…" _ Before she got the chance to finish he had hung up. He threw the phone across the room and let a tear roll down his face. Afraid that someone was going to come in and see it he wiped it away with his hand and whispered: "I'm happy for you, but you break my heart without even knowing it."

_**Authors note**__**:**_ I'm not sure I liked this chap. But it's what you think that matters. In the next chap you get to know what song I chose. Review and subscribe if you want to make me happy. =)


	3. More than a love song

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ Okay. I didn't know which song to choose so but I have decided to use **More Than A Love Song **by **Augustana. **I know that it's a boy singing, but I just liked the song so much when I heard it for like two minutes ago.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 3: More than a love song.**

Sam turned on his radio and waited for her song to begin.

_Only 2 more minutes._

_Only one more minute._

The song started.

_What can I say, I miss your eyes. Nothing more._

_What can a love song provide? Nothing more._

_Words are a lovely try for something more._

_And I want to give to you, give to you_

_m__ore than a love song can give._

_More than a feeling like this._

_More than a dim light upon the path you walk._

_More than my words can explain._

_More than the falling rain._

_More than the sun shines upon your lovely face._

_It's__ more than a love song._

He smiled.

_And I found a way you call to me. You show me where,_

_you show me where I used to be. You bring me there._

_And this is the life to seek: something more._

_And I want to give to you, give to you_

_more than a love song can give__,_

_More than a feeling like this._

_M__ore than a dim light upon the path you walk._

_M__ore than my words can explain._

_More than the falling rain._

_More__ than the sun shines upon your lovely face._

He started to wonder if it was for someone special.

_That look upon your face, it's beauty to me._

_That look upon, it's beauty to me,_

_and it's beauty to me,_

_and it's beauty to me,_

_to me, to me, to me, to me, yeah._

_More than a love song can give._

_More than a feeling like this._

_More__ than a dim light upon the path you walk._

_More than my words can explain._

_More than the falling rain._

_More__ than the sun shines upon your lovely face._

_I__t's more than a love song._

_It's more than a love song._

_It's more than a love song._

_It's more than a love song._

_It's more than love._

The song ended and he turned off the radio. He loved to hear her sing, but he wasn't happy. He was afraid that she sang this to someone special and he didn't know who. He should have told her he loved her while he had a chance to. Sure he still had a chance, but he wasn't going to see her until 5 months. And if everything went as planed those 5 months would be one year and that year would be forever.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ What did you think? This was the easiest chap ever to write. I hope you enjoyed it. Review and subscribe. =)


	4. Hearing voices Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ I know that I do Sam a little girly sometimes in this story, but that's just my weird mind. This chapter is going to be longer than I normally do them. Enjoy. =)

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 4: Hearing voices.**** Part 1.**

Two days Sam was once again in his mothers store helping her with things. Today he had to unpack some new things and put them in the store. Clothes to be exact. He was standing in the utility room looking for a box marked pants when he suddenly heard someone say: _**"Hi Sam. It's me Jess. The doctors say you're in a coma. I don't even know if you can hear me, but if you can I want you to know that I love you. Please wake up."**_

_What the…?_

_Did I just hear that?_

He decided to ignore it and continued to search for the box.

_Pants. Pants. Pants. There it is._

He picked up the box and walked to back in to the store and put the pants where they should be. That was he did almost the whole day. He even skipped lunch.

Sam walked in to his house and in to the kitchen. He could feel the smell of food. He smiled at his brother who was cooking food and said: "What do we get for dinner?" Dean looked at Sam and said: "Food." He smiled.

"I understand that. What kind of food?"

"Pancakes. Why so happy?"

"I decided I couldn't stay sad."

"You know she could have sung that song to you. Or to no one." Sam stopped smile and said: "No way. You don't sing that kind of song unless if you sing it to someone."

"You don't know that." Sam shook his head and was on his way to say something when he suddenly heard a girl say: _**"I'm sorry honey, but I got to go. I promise you I will be back tomorrow." **_Just like before he decided to ignore it. He walked up to his room and tried to call Lily, but almost instantly it went to voicemail and he said: "Hi Lily. It's me. Sam. Call me when you get this." Then he hung up.

Later when they sat and eat dinner Sam was quiet. He couldn't stop think about the voice he had heard. His father John looked at him and said: "What is it Sam? You're so quiet." Bu Sam didn't hear. Dean looked at Sam and said: "Earth to Sam. Hello? Is there someone in there?" now he looked at his food and said: "Houston, we have a problem." Marry looked a little angry at him and said: "That's not funny." Then she looked at her youngest son and said: "Sam darling. Can you hear me?" Sam said: "Huh? What? Yeah I can pas you the salt." He looked at his mother and said: "I guess that's not what you asked me to do."

"No, but now when I think of it you can pas me the salt."

"Sure." He past her the salt and suddenly he heard a voice again saying: _**"Hi Sam. It's Becky. I can't believe what happened. Please wake up. School isn't fun without you. We all miss you. Jess has been here the past 2 weeks. Please wake up. Jess is a mess without you. Please wake up."**_

_Jess. Becky. Why do those names sound so familiar?_

_Why do I keep hearing voices?_

John said: "Have you heard a single word of what I said?" Sam looked at him and said: "No." Then he stood up and went out.

"_**Bye Sam."**_

"_**Hi Sam. It's me. Jess. Again. Please wake up. I need you. Please wake up. I miss you. I love you."**_

"_**Bye Sam."**_

Sam sat down against the tree outside their house and tried to ignore the voices that wouldn't stop.

"_**Hi. It's me. Again. I miss you. I wish you could wake up. We all want you to wake up. I don't know how much longer I can come back here. It's… it's just so hard to come here everyday. I don't think I will come again. At least not in a few days. I'm sorry. I love you**__**."**_

Dean and his parents walked out and looked at Sam. They wanted to know what was going on with Sam, but he wouldn't tell them even if they asked.

"_**Hi Sam. It's me. Your father. I'm sorry this happened to you. I should never have let you go to college. I should have… I should have protected you. I'm sorry I cut you out from my life after you left. I shouldn't have yelled at you for wanting to go to school and live a safe normal life. I should have… I don't know what I should have done. I'm a bad father."**_

"_**You knew? You knew"**_

"_**I… I…"**_

Now Sam had had enough. He put his hands to his head and yelled: "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

_**Authors note**__**:**_ What do you think so far? Review please. =)


	5. Hearing voices Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ Here is part 2. Not sure if I like it. Don't really know how to continue this story.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 4: Hearing voices. Part 2.**

Sam saw that his brother ran up to him and hugged him just in time tears to start come. Sam knew that his family was worried since they didn't know what was going on. He knew that they wouldn't ask him anything right now, but the he knew the questions would come later.

Not long after that Sam felt that his parents joined the hug. He knew they where worried, but what could he do or say to make them stop worry. I'm okay. I just hear voices in my head and if what they tell me is true I'm in a coma and you exist only in my head. He knew he couldn't say that.

The three family members stopped hug Sam when they heard him laugh. They all looked worried at him as he said: "I'm fine. I'm going to go call Lily." He stood up and before they got the chance to ask him anything he was inside his room with the door locked. He sat down on his bed and drew a hand through his hair. He wiped away his tears and listened to the voices once again.

"_**Is that why we have stayed for a month? Did we stay so you could visit Sam? How long have you known?"**_

"_**Yes. Yes. And I have known since the day we came to Palo Alto."**_

"_**I can't believe it. You… you… you yelled at me in the car because I was talking about Sam so I decided not to look after Sam and you did what you wanted me not to do. I… It's… I can't believe you."**_

"_**Dean it's not**__** what you think."**_

Then the voices got quiet. He heard a knock on the door and then he heard his father yelling his name. He knew that he should let him in, but he didn't want to talk to anyone right now. He opened his window and jumped out on the roof that was just outside. Then he jumped down to the ground and ran away.

After a few minutes he stayed under a tree in the middle of nowhere. He sat down against the tree as the voices started once again.

"_**Hi Sam. It's Dean. I know we haven't talked in a long time and to tell you the truth I miss you. I wish I was here when it happened. I wish I could have saved you from getting hit by the car. I mean I have saved you from ghosts, demons, wendigos and other sons of bitches, but I can't save you from a car. I wished you had stayed with me and dad. If you had you probably wouldn't have been here right no. I just wish you could wake up a**__**nd follow me and dad on hunts again. I think there's a ghost in Wisconsin. I'm sorry."**_

_Ghost? I hunt ghosts. _Sam sighed and looked up at the stars. When he was little he had always gotten happy by looking at the stars, but tonight it was just like they didn't sparkle as beautiful as they used to. The grass wasn't green anymore and the sky wasn't blue. His whole world had turned grey in one night. And why? Because this wasn't real.

_**Authors note:**_ So what do you guys think? I for once got happy with the chapter. Poor Sam. not even in his mind he can have a normal life forever. Review and let me know what you thought even if you hated it. =)


	6. Dreams or memories? Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ This is the last chapter of this story that will be up in a while, because I have to finish my other story **Comatose**. And if I have forgot to tell you this story is about what Sam is dreaming while he's in a coma in **Comatose**.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter**** 5: Dreams or memories? Part **

Sam stood up and started to walk back to the house. He didn't want to face his brother or his parents, but he had to.

He walked in to the house and in to the kitchen. He looked at his parents that were sitting on two chairs and he opened his mouth to say something but closed it when he couldn't think of anything to say. He sat down on a chair and his father said: "You want to explain what is wrong?" Sam looked at him and said: "I rather not." His parents gave him a look that he knew that it meant; You tell us what is going on or… He didn't know what the or was because he never had wanted to find out.

Dean walked in to the room and said: "Please tell us what's wrong so we can help you." Sam looked at his three family members and said: "It's nothing. I'm just tired I guess. I just need to sleep." He stood up and walked up to his room. He took a couple of keys out from his pocket and unlocked his door and went in. He took of his clothes and laid down in his bed and fell asleep fast.

**Sam looked at his brother and said: "Dean I have to. This isn't the life I want. I'm sick and tired of hunting evil things. ****I'm tired of dad always telling us what to do. I'm tired of being a freak. For once in my life I just want to be normal. To fit in. I want to be happy." Dean looked down and whispered: "How am I supposed to be happy if you leave?" Sam knew that it wasn't meant that he would hear that so he didn't say anything.**

**He took his already packed bag and headed for the door when his father suddenly came in and said: "Where are you going?" Sam looked him in the eyes and said: "Stanford."**

"**Why? Is there a ghost or something there?"**

"**No dad. I'm leaving." Sam knew what was coming now. John got angry and said: "The hell you are not."**

"**I'm 18. You can't tell me what to do and what not to. I'm leaving and you have nothing to say about it."**

"**All my life I have done everything to keep you safe. I have raised you so you can protect yourself from things, I have fed you and changed diapers on you and this is the thank I get?"**

"**You have never done anything for me." He raised his voice and continued: "As I remember it Dean was the one who practically raised me. You where never here. When I was sick Dean was the one who took care of me. When I had dreamt a nightmare Dean was the one to calm me down. Even that time I almost died I can't remember that you visited me at hospital. Not once. You don't care about me. You only see me as a warrior that is supposed to help you when there is something you can't handle yourself."**

**Now John Screamed: "DON'T YOU DARE TELLING ME IF I CARE ABOUT YOU OR NOT! I HAVE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE KEEPING YOU SAFE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I NEVER VISITED YOU AT HOSPITAL? I NEVER CAME BECAUSE I WAS HUNTING SOMETHING THAT WAS HUNTING YOU!"**

**Sam was also screaming now: "STOP LYING TO ME! BESIDES; IF YOU WANT ME TO STAY JUST TELL ME TO STAY, BUT IF YOU DON'T I WILL LEAVE AND I'M NOT COMING BACK!**

**Both became silent. Sam walked up to the door and his father said: "If you leave now, don't you ever think you can come back." Sam took one last look at his family before he walked out the door. He wasn't sure if he did the right choice, but he couldn't stay any longer.**

_**Authors note**__**:**_ What did you think? Like it? Hate it? Let me know. =)


	7. Dreams or memories? Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ I have finally got up the last chapter of **"Comatose"** so now I will only concentrate on this. I hope you like this story. Read and review. I have to give _**DreamShadow **_some credit for this chapter because if I hadn't read her story **"Perfect Innocence" **I never would have come up with the idea for this chapter. So thank you _**DS**_.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter**** 5: Dreams or memories? Part 2.**

Sam woke up with a terrible headache. He sat up in his bed and tried to get rid of his thoughts. But without success. He had just dreamt that he had screamed at his father because he wanted to go at college. Not once in his life he had been having a single thought of going to college. But it had felt so real. If he didn't know better he would think that it actually had happened. But it was just a dream.

He stood up and walked to the bathroom. He looked in the bathroom cabinet after something against the headache, but he couldn't find anything. He walked out of the room and the pain got stronger. He put his hands against his head and fell down on his knees. He just wanted to scream of pain, but he knew that he couldn't.

Now he was standing on all four. He the pain was so strong and he could feel his stomach protest. He knew he was only seconds away from throwing up or black out. He lifted his head a little and saw Dean running towards him before everything went black.

**Sam was lying in a bed in his room. A blonde girl came in and Sam said: "Hi Jess." His throat hurt and he ****felt sick. Jess looked worried at him and said: "Hi darling. How do you feel?"**

"Better."

"**That's good to hear." She sat down on the bed beside him and said: "Try to get a little sleep." Sam yawned and said: "Okay." His eyes where already closed and he was slowly falling asleep.**

Beep. Beep. Beep. A beeping noise made Sam wake up from his sleep. He opened his eyes and saw that he was in a very white room. The thing that had woken him was a machine he had seen in hospital movies. A machine that showed his heart rate. Slowly the panic came to him when he suddenly realised where he was. He was in a hospital all by himself. He didn't know why but he had been afraid of hospitals as long as he could remember. But still it wasn't that he was there alone that scared him the most. The thing that scared him was that he didn't know why he was there. The last thing he could remember where that he had a headache.

Dean came in and said: "Hi Sammy. You really got me scared last night." He sat down on a chair and Sam said: "What happened?"

"I don't know. You tell me. I was just on my way to the bathroom when I saw you on the floor looking like you where in pain and before I reached you you just blacked out."

"Why am I at a hospital?"

"Try to get some more sleep and I will talk to you when you wake up. Okay?"

"Okay." Sam did feel tired, but he didn't know why and just seconds after he closed his eyes he fell asleep.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ I know that he didn't dream much in this chapter, but I promise that part 3 is only a dream.


	8. Dreams or memories? Part 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ Here is the last part of this chapter. It wasn't easy to do since I had a writers block, but now it finally is done. So I hope you will enjoy reading this and don't forget to review and subscribe.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 5: Dreams or memories? Part 3.**

**Sam was sitting in his living room and watched some ****boring movie. Jess wasn't home and he couldn't think of anything to do. Suddenly his phone rang. He looked at the caller id and got happy when he saw that it was his brother. He answered with a: "Hi Dean." Dean said: **_**"Hi Sammy. Sorry I didn't call last night, but I kinda had this problem with a ghost." **_**Sam smiled and said: "You don't have to call everyday."**

"_**Yeah I have to. I got to make sure that you are okay." **_**Typical Dean. He always had to make sure Sam was okay. "I'm fine. How are you?"**

"_**I'm fine. I'm just fine. Little tired, but that's all. How's it going at school?"**_

"**It'****s grate, but you know. School's like school."**

"_**Okay. How's it going with your girlfriend?"**_

"**Couldn'****t be better."**

"_**Sammy?" **_**He sounded… sad? Why did Dean sound sad? Sam stopped smile and said: "Yeah?"**

"_**I just… Forget it."**_

"**No Dean. What is it?"**

"_**Nothing. It's nothing."**_

"**Dean please tell me what it is."**

"_**It's nothing Sammy. Okay? It's nothing." **_**Sam started to get irritated. For no reason at all he could feel the anger slowly creeping up on him. Usually that only happened when he talked with his father. **

"**Dean tell me what it is." He could hear that Dean took a deep breath before he said: **_**"I won't call you again Sammy."**_

"**What? Why?"**

"_**Because… I just can't"**_

"**Has this something to do with dad?" He could feel himself getting teary.**

"_**No Sammy. This has nothing to do with dad."**_

"**Don't lie to me Dean. Don't you dare lying to me."**

"_**Okay. Fine. It **__**has with dad to do."**_

"**What did he tell you? Dean? What did he say?" The tears were almost falling now.**

"_**I can't tell you what he said.**__** But I want you to know that I love you and I'm proud of you. I hope that we can see each other some day. Or at least talk again. Bye Sammy." **_**And with that Dean hung up. Sam couldn't believe it. The person he had wanted to be like since he was 4 was abandoning him now. He put away the phone and tried so hard to stop the tears that were falling, but he couldn't. For a few minutes he just sat there on the couch. But he finally decided to go to bed.**

**As he laid in bed trying to think of something else he could hear someone open the door downstairs. Normally he would look who it was, but he didn't care right now. A few minutes more past before he saw Jess walking in to the room. She must have seen his tears because she walked up to him and put her arms around him and said: "What's wrong honey?" He didn't answer. She didn't have to know that his brother was never going to call again. She didn't have to know that he would spend the rest of his life not knowing if his brother was dead or alive.**

_**Authors note**__**:**_ Loved it? Hate it? Let me know what you think. If you have any questions about this story just feel free to ask me and I will answer. If I have the answer myself of course. =)


	9. Crazy

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 6: ****Crazy.**

Sam woke up at the hospital again. At first he didn't really remember why he was there or where he was, but when he saw Dean sleeping in a chair he remembered what had happened last night. He was surprised that his parents weren't there. Dean woke up and said: "I see you're finally awake." Sam said: "How long did I sleep?"

"Little more than 12 hours"

"Grate. Dad is gonna get pissed that I'm not helping mum right now."

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"You fainted from a headache. That is not normal."

"So?"

"So dad is not gonna yell at you."

"I guess you're right, but what is wrong with me?"

"Well, the doctors couldn't find anything. They think that you're just stressed or something like that." Sam saw the looked Dean gave him and said: "But you don't think that." Dean shook his head and said: "No. I don't. Because I know how you act when you are stressed. And you don't cry and shout to no one to shut up. And you don't just start to laugh like a… a… something when you are stressed. Just tell me what's going on."

"I can't."

"Why Sammy? You have never kept secrets from me before." When Dean called him Sammy he got images in his head of hundreds of times when Dean had called him that. Times that never had happened. Like that time when they hunted a ghost in Wisconsin, or the vampire in New York

Sam looked at Dean and said: "This is not real." Dean looked surprised at him and said: "What? What are you talking about?"

"This. Mum. Dad. You. Lily. Nothing is real. Everything is just in my head. This is just a dream. You're not here. Not even I am here." Dean started to touch Sam and said: "Do you feel this?" He stopped touch Sam and continued: "I'm here. This is real. This is not a dream."

"Yes Dean. It is. I can't ignore the voices anymore."

"Voices?" Dean was a little scared at this point. "You hear voices."

"Yeah."

"Wa… was that why you acted so weird?"

Sam nodded and said: "Yeah." Dean stood up and said: "You're crazy. That's what you are. Crazy."

"Dean I'm not crazy. Look. Just forget it just ever happened and we continue our lives just as before. Okay?"

"You're crazy."

"Pretend I never said anything. Okay?"

"Okay. God I need some air." And with those words Dean left the room.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ What did you think? Sam knows it's just a dream and poor Dean thinks Sam is going crazy.


	10. A call I've been waiting on

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 7: A call I've been waiting on.**

It wasn't until two days later that Sam got out of the hospital. His parents visited him twice, but his brother didn't come back. He hadn't even been home when Sam came home. He had asked his dad where Dean was, and John had only said: "He is in Wisconsin." Sam sat down in the living room and said: "Why?"

"He had to take a brake."

_Yeah. From me. Because I told__ him the truth and now he thi…_

His thought got interrupted of his ringing phone. He looked at the caller id and got surprised that it was Lily. He hesitated before he answered: "Hello?" Lily sounded happy when she said: _"Hi Sam. I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you in a while. I have just been busy."_

"It's okay. I understand. You're on your way to become a star. I understand that you don't have time for me anymore."

"_I'm coming back."_

"What?"

"_I'm coming back to Lawrence."_

"Why? I mean; you where going to be away for 6 months."

"_Yeah, but I missed you to much."_

"Don't come back."

"_What?"_

"Don't come back. I come to you."

"_But your mother…"_

"She can handle the store without me. I'm coming tomorrow"

"_Are you sure?"_

"Yes. I have to hang up. I got to pack. Bye. See you tomorrow." And without waiting for a goodbye from Lily he hung up. He stood up quickly and ran up to his room and started to pack some clothes. His phone rang again. He looked at the caller id and this time it was Dean. He answered and heard Dean say: _"Can you come to Palo Alto? I need to talk to you." _Sam said: "So talk."

"_Face to face."_

"No Dean. I have to get to Lily."

"_Fine. I have done some thinking and I think you may be right."_

"About _what_?"

"_About this being a dream.__"_

"I told you to never talk about it again. Goodbye Dean." Then he hung up and went back to pack his things.

_**Authors note:**_ I know that this chapter was short and bad, but I promise it will get better.

TTH


	11. Another call from my brother

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 8: Another call from my brother.**

He always thought that the voices and the dreams where the worst part, but boy was he wrong. The worst part wasn't even the migraines. The worst part was that he knew this was only a dream. He was in love with a girl that existed only in his head and he was going to tell her the feelings he had for her. Tonight when she came back to their apartment he was going to tell her he loved her and all he could do was hope she feel the same.

_Wait._

_This is my dream._

_I can dream that she loves me._

_But I have never been able to decide what is going to happen in my dreams._

Lily came in and said: "Hi Sam." She had a big smile so it must have been a fun night. Sam smiled back at her and said: "I love you."

_Oh God. I didn't want to tell her that already._

_What if she doesn't feel the same?_

_Help. She's going to say something. She's going to say something._

_I have to listen to her._

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again. Then she opened it and said: "I love you too."

_She hate's me. Wait. Did she say I lover you too? She said I love you too!_

Sam smiled bigger and said: "I love you too too." Lily laughed a little and said: "I understood that."

"Right. Sorry." He stood up and walked up to her. They looked in to each others eyes and kissed. He pulled away when his phone rang. Without even looking at the caller id he answered: "She loves me too" The person that had called him said: _"That's grate Sammy."_

"Oh. Hi Dean. What do you want?"

"_I just wanted to hear if you were okay."_

"I'm fine. Stop ask me that."

"_No Sam. I'm not gonna stop ask you that __until I know you are okay."_

"Did you not hear what I just said? I'm fine."

"_No Sammy. You're not fine. If you where fine you wouldn't have headaches all the time."_

"Can you please let that go? You know that it's because the dreams and the… You know."

"_The voices? I know. But I'm worried about you. I'm afraid that you are going to do something stupid. I don't want to lose you."_

"You're not going to lose me."

_I want to stay in this dream. I'__m happy here._

"_I got to go. I call you tomorrow. Bye."_

"Bye." Sam hang up and smiled at Lily and said: "I love you."

_**Authors note:**_ What did you think? Let me know even if you hated it.

TTH


	12. stay or wake up, that's the question

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 9: To stay or to wake up, that's the question.**

They where a couple. Sam couldn't believe it. He and Lily was a couple and they had been for 4 months, 7 days, 5 hours and 16 minutes, but still he couldn't feel happy. He had a family that loved him, a wonderful girlfriend and a normal happy life. Still he couldn't feel happy. He couldn't get rid of the feeling that there was something that was missing. He felt like he didn't belong there. He felt like he needed to wake up. No he wanted to wake up even tough he didn't know how it was in the "real" world. But he was afraid and he didn't know how he was going to wake up. It wasn't like he could do as in the movies, just close your eyes and when you open them again you will wake up from the dream. He had already tried that with no success.

He looked at Lily as she walked on the stage. Everything had happened so fast. 6 months earlier she had left to become a star. And now she was already on a tourney. She started to sing, but Sam was lost in his thoughts.

_Do I really wanna wake up?_

_No._

_Yes._

_Okay. I stay._

_No you don't._

_Grate. Now I'm fighting with myself._

_If I stay I can be happy._

_I get to live a normal life._

_I have two parents that love me and I have a big brother that loves me._

_I have a beautiful girlfriend_

_I'm not happy and it's not real._

_It feels like there is a piece of me that's missing._

_If I wake up I can be happy._

_I get to live the rest of my life normal, but I can't change the past 18-20 years._

_My mother is dead, dad hates me and I don't know if Dean hate me or not._

_I have a beautiful girlfriend._

_I don't know if I'm happy, but it's real._

_To stay or to wake up, that's the question._

_What should I do?_

_I need help._

_All my life I have been praying to god, but if he did exist wouldn't he have stopped this from happening?_

All of a sudden he got a picture in his head where he saw Dean sitting on a bed in a motel room looking at a picture of Sam. Dean had tears in his eyes and said: "Why are you doing this to me. I have already lost mom, I have lost dad. Am I supposed to lose you too now? Please just wake up. I need you bro. I always needed you. I just never realized it until I found out what have happened to you." A tear slipped out from his eye and the image of him disappeared from Sam's head.

Sam stood up and made his way through the crowd to get out. He needed some air.

When he finally got out it felt like his lungs where gonna explode. He felt like he couldn't breathe and he just wanted a stop to all of this. What he just had seen wasn't going to make it easier to decide. He sat down against a wall and didn't care who could see him crying. He didn't care what Lily was going to say about him just leaving. He didn't care about anything right now.

_**Authors note**__**:**_ Poor Sammy. Guys I have some really bad news about this story. If everything goes as planed it will only be 4 more chapters. If I get some more ideas it will get longer, but as it looks now it will only be 4 chapters until the end. 5 chapters if I'm nice.

TTH


	13. A way to wake up from a dream

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 10: A way to wake up from a dream.**

Sam wiped away his tears and walked to his car. He sat down in it and started the engine. Then he drove away in to the night. He didn't know where he was going. He just wanted to drive a round a little to make up his mind.

_If I just forget about my real life I can stay here for ever._

_I could be happy._

_I __could..._

_But after what I saw I can't stay. Dean was crying. He never cries. Never._

_All this time and I have been so blind. There is only one right thing to do._

_I have to find some way to wake up._

_I can't believe how many people I have hurt just by staying here in my mind._

_I have made my choice. I'm going to wake up. But how?_

Sam came to a store and stopped outside it. He took up his phone from his pocket and searched for Dean's name in it. When he found it he pressed call and just waited for his brother to pick up. After to long he could hear his brother pick up the phone and say: _"Hello?" _Sam said: "Hi Dean. It's Sam. I just wondered if you know how to wake up from a dream."

"_Uh? I don't really know, but I have heard that when you're about to die in a dream you wake up.__ I don't know if it works tough. Why do you ask?"_

"Nothing. I just wondered. Thanks for your help. Bye. See you sometime." Then he hung up. He put away his phone got back to his thoughts.

_You wake up if you're about to die._

_Grate._

_I have to take suicide._

_I really hope that this really is just in my head, because I don't want to die._

_But it's worth a shot. Right?_

He sighed and started the engine again.

_**Authors note:**_ This chapter was terrible, but please don't hate me. And don't hate me because this story soon is over. Please.

TTH


	14. Leaving

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 11: Leaving.**

Sam walked in to his parents house together with Lily. He smiled at his family and said: "Hi mom. Hi dad. Hi Dean." Mary and John smiled and john said: "Hi my son." They all walked in to the living room and sat down. Mary looked at Sam and Lily and said: "How is it L.A.?" Lily smiled and said: "It's finer I guess. I mean it's nothing like here, but I like it." Sam said: "I agree. Um. Excuse me for a second." He stood up and walked up the stair and in to his parents room. He took out two envelopes from his pocket and placed them on his parents bed. Then he walked to Dean's room and did the same before he finely walked in to his own room and placed a last envelope on his own pillow.

A few minutes later he walked back in to the living room with tears ion his eyes and said: "I have to go. I'm going to miss you all. I hope I see you again. Everyone looked at him and Dean said: "You scare Sammy. What are you talking about?" everyone stood up and John said: "What are you going to do?" Sam didn't say anything. He just hugged everyone before walking out to his car and driving away before someone could stop him.

He hated what he was going to do to them. He hated that he was going to break their hearts even tough they only excited in his head. He turned on the radio and started to listen to Hallelujah by Imogen Heap. Did he really do the right choice her? He didn't care. He had no time to care. Soon all would be over and there was no going back now. They had probably found the envelopes. The suicide letters he had written. He laughed at the thought about writing those stupid letters when he knew that it wasn't necessary. After all it was all just a dream. A dream that felt to real.

_**Authors note:**_ The next chapter or chapters you'll get to know what he wrote in the letters. And as always I hope you liked the chapter.

TTH


	15. The letter's

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 12: The letter's.**

**Dear mom.**

**When you're reading this I'm already gone. I'm sorry for what I did, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I just wrote this to you to tell you how much I loved you. You where always there for me and I couldn't have asked for a better mother than you. There isn't enough with words in this world to tell you how much I love you. I wish I could tell you why I decided to take this horrible decision, but I can't. Please just forgive me. I hope I see you someday again, but that day is not today. I will always watch over you and keep you, dad and Dean safe. I love you. **

**Love**** Sammy.**

**Dear dad.**

**When you're reading this I'm long gone. There was nothing you could have done to stop me. Just remember that I love you and that I'm safe where I am now. I'm sorry that I didn't warn you or mom about this, but that would have given me more problems than I had. Please don't get mad at me for what I have done. And when the night comes remember I'm watching over you and mom and Dean. Remember me as the happy little kid you knew. Just don't forget. I love you.**

**Love**** little soldier Sammy.**

**Dear Lily.**

**When you're reading this I'm gone. I don't want you to think I didn't love you, because I did and that is why I did this to keep you safe. I'm watching over you where I am now and when you're sad I will cry for you. I know you don't understand anything right now, but one day you will. I want you to know that I want you to move on and find someone else. Do it for me. I love you.**

**Yours and only yours Sam.**

**Dear Dean.**

**When you're reading this I'm no longer walking on earth and you can't keep me safe anymore like you always did when we where little. Now it's my time to keep you safe. It's my turn to watch over you, mom and dad. I know that you hate me right now, but forgive me. Please forgive me Dean. I don't want you to forget me, but I don't want you to think about me all the time either. Just think that I'm happy in heaven. I'm here with god and watching over you. Don't do anything stupid. Help mom and dad through this, but don't be afraid to cry yourself. Remember its okay to cry and when it feels like there is nothing out there that can make you happy again I want you to think about me and all the good times we had together. Never forget who you are and I will keep a place for you here in heaven. I love you. Don't you ever forget.**

**Love your Sammy.**

_**Authors note:**_ This chapter didn't get as sad as I wanted it to be, but with the music I was listening to as I wrote this I almost started to cry. Next chapter is the last chapter ever about this story.

TTH


	16. DyingWaking up

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I only own Lily Ghost.

**Trapped inside my mind**

**Chapter 13: Dying/Waking up.**

Sam stepped out from the car and walked to the back. He opened the trunk and took the knife he had put there. Then he closed the trunk and looked up at the stars. They looked beautiful tonight. He raised the blade that was glistening in the moonlight. He hadn't thought of it until now that it was full moon. He lowered the blade and wondered if he wanted to die slowly in the beautiful night or if he wanted it to go fast. He sat down against a tree ant cut his wrists. With a smile on his lips he dropped the blade and looked up at the beautiful night sky as he felt himself getting weaker for every minute.

Now it was almost over. He could feel it. Soon he was going to die in this world and wake up in another. Then he heard someone call his name. He looked at where it came from and saw his brother running to him the fastest he could. When Dean finally reached him he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, but he wasn't dead yet. He felt Dean's useless attempts to stop the blood. Sam figured he must have given up when it didn't work because now he felt Dean put his jacket around him. God it was cold. He opened his eyes just in time for Dean to put his arms around him and said: "Hold on Sammy. Help is on its way. Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. Don't worry." Sam Opened his mouth and weakly he forced out the words: "I can see the light. God it's beautiful. I have to go in to it. Bye Dean." He took a last breath and now it was over.

Sam opened his eyes and saw Jess. Weakly he said: "Hi Jess. What happened?" Jess kissed him on the hand and said: "God I was so worried about you. I thought you never were going to wake up."

"But I'm here now." They smiled at each other and now Sam knew he had made the right choice.

_**Authors note:**_ I really suck at making a good ending. This wasn't good at all. I feel sad that this was the last chapter ever to this story. I want to thank everyone that has read this story. Without you I wouldn't have done this story. I hope you will read my next story I'm putting up. I'm not sure what the name on it will be and I'm not sure it will be a Supernatural story because I'm thinking of doing a Dark Angel fic. Nut once again I want to thank everyone that have read and reviewed this story. Thank you guys.

TTH


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